Eden Cafe

Age as a Weapon

WHAT FEMALE TEENAGERS SHOULD LEARN ABOUT RESPECT

How many innocent boys are charged with felonies every year relating to taking underage minors across state lines, rape and sexual assault? A lot, way too many and it is a never ending trend. Many community members may look down on these boys/men and ask them what the hell they were thinking, how they could be so stupid, etc… but how many of these community members are pointing fingers at the girls or asking them questions?

While rape and sexual assault does occur, it’s important to take a long hard look with as much evidence possible before we go putting innocent boys and men in prison and slapping charges on them. We live in a society where girls are taught to scream rape and use it as a weapon, especially minor girls who are in high school. How many of these incidents where young men are charged with a crime they clearly did not commit nor had any idea they were committing were in a scenario where the girls had lied about their age? A large percentage of these cases could be ruled out due to false pretenses if the system were willing to look beyond hearsay.

Such charges are putting young men from 15-21 in jail for sentences that take up most of their lives, while the girls who accused them are living life to fullest, many of them out there still lying about their ages. While yes, young men (and women even in some cases) need to recognize and honor the age of consent, this also would require the other party’s full honesty. I’m sure most of us would agree that we aren’t going to go around carding the people we sleep with.

One of the things we need to look at is if there is rape evidence if rape is being accused. Not to mention a full investigation should be done. How about finding out why a fifteen year old girl was drunk at a party that consisted of party-ers 3-5 years her senior, and why she didn’t offer her age when approached or during conversation with the other person, whom she is now accusing. Of course that would assume if she did offer her age, she was telling the truth. Does this sound harsh? Tell that to the men sitting in jail for crimes like such that they didn’t commit.

I wonder how many of these young girls are fully aware of the consequences they are about to impose on the other person and if any part of them cares. Parents also need to take a long look at themselves. How many cases are there where the female tells her parents that it was clearly consensual sex (many instances where the two are dating) and the parent presses charges? We need to take a careful look at this, too many rapists and sexual assault charges get let go that shouldn’t, while young men are rotting for a judgment made off a lie about age.

The worst part of this is that many of these young women use age as a weapon and are intentionally making these moves to get at someone who breaks up with them, doesn’t want to date them etc… The protocols that surround these charges need to be examined. Most importantly, the female teenagers who make these accusations knowing full well that it’s a lie need to learn how to respect other human beings and themselves.

**This post is the opinion of the author and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Eden Cafe or Eden Fantasys. Authors are allowed and encouraged to voice their opinions. Please keep discussion – whether in agreement or disagreement – respectful. Thank you.**

More about Kayla Upside Down

Written by: Kayla Upside Down on July 23, 2010.

Comments

  • Skeptical Bitch
    • 23 July 2010

    “We live in a society where girls are taught to scream rape and use it as a weapon, especially minor girls who are in high school.”

    Yeah, I remember that lesson. The good ol’ “go through a traumatic court case in which your womanhood is called into question and you are humiliated and exposed as some little slut just to get back at an ex-boyfriend” revenge class.

    The girls aren’t the ones bringing these charges up.

    Reply
    • Kayla
      • 23 July 2010

      In no way am I condoning rape by any means. I fully respect that there are truly victims of rape. The article is simply examining one side of a completely different scenario/issue.

      As someone who was raped myself I know full well the effects and harsh realities one is faced with. However, I have also witness such a case as I am referring to in my article- neither should be taken lightly.

      Reply
  • JonsBabydoll
    • 23 July 2010

    You state in one example of a teenage girl drinking at a party, getting drunk, and having a boy taking advantage of her. THAT IS WRONG. No matter if she lied about her age or not!! No one deserves to get raped or sexually assaulted, no matter if they lied about their age or were drinking. Maybe you should tell the rapists who are sitting in a jail cell that they shouldn’t take advantage of drunk girls. Hmm, what about that?

    Reply
    • Kayla
      • 23 July 2010

      I never state that in that scenario the boy takes advantage. I believe it is read, as quoted “How about finding out why a fifteen year old girl was drunk at a party that consisted of party-ers 3-5 years her senior, and why she didn’t offer her age when approached or during conversation with the other person, whom she is now accusing.” No where did I say she was taken advantage of- perhaps she is one of many who have consensual sex and then lie when things are at stake for whatever reason.

      Reply
  • Sarahbear
    • 23 July 2010

    Growing up in a pretty religious home, I witnessed some of the behavior you’re talking about. The first commenter mentioned slut-shaming and that is a huge part of why some of these young girls lie. They don’t want their parents to find out that they’ve been having sex and when they get caught (in the act or get pregnant) they will immediately lie about the guy forcing them into it.

    I think there are a lot of people out there (male and female) who only care about themselves. They lie, cheat and steal and it doesn’t matter who they hurt in the process.

    Reply

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  • Ke
    • 24 July 2010

    I get what you’re saying completely. Rape is definitely wrong but even with dealing with the issue no one wants to deal with the entire issue it’s simply easier to punish the boy and go on from there. If an underage girl is drinking and lying about her age to hang with older people that’s something that should be discussed for her own benefit. Like it or not there are things that we as people do that can leave us more vulnerable to be preyed on. Acknowledging that isn’t harsh or wrong it’s being realistic. The girls who lied or were willing participants until their parents found out then jumped on the rape bandwagon without feeling even a shred of guilt need to be held accountable for their actions.

    I read about a boy who was a few years older then the girl he seeing and having sex with. Her parents found out and since they didn’t like him they pressed charges. The girl went along with it and since technically she was still a minor, by I think one year, the boy went to jail. That hardly seems fair to me. Then there are girls who lie and tell the truth later on but the damage has already been done. Boys need to be smarter about their actions as well.

    I never got the feeling that this post was about placing blame on the rape victim or even saying that the girl deserved to be raped. Believe it or not there are men who are in jail based on a lie, not all of them but some.

    Reply
  • emily
    • 24 July 2010

    [The worst part of this is that many of these young women use age as a weapon and are intentionally making these moves to get at someone who breaks up with them, doesn’t want to date them etc… The protocols that surround these charges need to be examined. Most importantly, the female teenagers who make these accusations knowing full well that it’s a lie need to learn how to respect other human beings and themselves.]

    What about teaching 18 year old men to not have sexual relationships with 15 year old girls? Or would that be too complicated? After all, they are the ones who would go to jail for it, they should care.

    Reply
    • Sarahbear
      • 24 July 2010

      That’s all fine and dandy, provided the guy -knows- he’s having sex with a minor. That’s kind of the entire purpose of this article, I think, is to point out that young girls can and do lie about their age. Fifteen year olds are more than capable of knowing that lying is wrong, both about their age -and- about whether or not they consented to sex with someone.

      Reply
    • CarrieAnn
      • 24 July 2010

      It’s actually not just 18 year old men having sex with 15 year old girls.

      It’s kids who have been a couple for years in high school, he turns 18, she’s still 17.

      Or he turns 16, she’s still 15.

      I *do* understand what the author is getting at. I have no choice but to understand. I have a teenage son and it is very, very difficult to get teenagers of either sex to keep their pants on, even when you’ve made it quite clear what the consequences of not doing so are.

      I also understand how easy it is for a young adult man to end up in bed with an underage girl. I know because I lied about my age when I was a teenager. I know because I put men in that position unknowingly.

      Though, really, guys… men… should ask for id. They really should. Trusting anyone to be telling the truth is foolish.

      Reply
  • Nell Gwynne
    • 24 July 2010

    Slight problem: The age of consent isn’t always set at 18. In my state, it’s 16, and it varies throughout the USA/other countries. I believe Hawaii has the lowest age of consent, at 14.

    But that’s a little beside the point. If this is such a prevalent problem, I’d like the author to name at least five cases in which an underage woman “tricked” an older man into sex. Because the last thing we need is any more victim-blaming bullshit instead of, oh, I don’t know, believing and caring for a rape victim, and if they want it, helping them seek justice.

    Reply
    • CarrieAnn
      • 24 July 2010

      The age of consent, even if it’s 16, doesn’t help an 18 year old who may be sleeping with his 16 year old girlfriend, even if the month before, when he was 17, it was ok. Because a minor cannot give consent to sleep with an adult.

      Teens have a 2 year window, for the most part, when between 16 (common age of consent) and 17. If one is younger than the other, before those ages and after those ages are problematic.

      Reply
  • sadie smythe
    • 24 July 2010

    Kayla, you are a “shrink in training”?

    I think you need get to the training part and learn how to write articles that are full of facts with resources to back them up as opposed to potentially harmful, victim-blaming opinion posts such as this one. You asked “How many of these incidents where young men are charged with a crime they clearly did not commit nor had any idea they were committing were in a scenario where the girls had lied about their age?” But you have no data, no number of “these incidents” to back up your statements. You then asked, “How many cases are there where the female tells her parents that it was clearly consensual sex …” Well, Kayla, we don’t know if there have been any cases of this. And it appears that, quite obviously, you don’t either. You have absolutely NO basis for this article.

    Furthermore here is NEVER a reason to switch the focus off of the perpetrator of rapes or assaults and point it toward the victims.

    NEVER.

    No matter if the girls lied about their age, no matter if they were dressed a certain way, no matter if they used crying rape as a “weapon”.

    NEVER.

    Reply
  • J
    • 25 July 2010

    Of course, there are going to be incidents where someone was accused of a crime that they did not commit for whatever reason. I’m not going to sit here and say that every single girl that has ever claimed that she was raped was actually raped. People are cruel and greedy and will sometimes stop at nothing to get what they want–usually money.

    But, when it comes to rape, the problem lies not with young women but with the justice system. An op-ed piece in the NY Times from a year ago (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/30/opinion/30kristof.html?_r=2&scp=1&sq=is%20rape%20serious&st=cse) pointed out that when a woman is even able to get a rape kit done, more often than not it is not consulted as evidence. I know that in Southern Maryland, where I attend college, the sheriff has to give his approval before a woman is even offered a rape kit, saying that there is “probable cause” of a rape.

    I think that changing these absurd ineptitudes in our justice system is where we should be focusing our efforts. More rape kits being done and being used as evidence not only increases the justice served to women who deserve it but also helps to save these innocent boys from unnecessary punishment–which would then also help the women who are telling the truth be heard and believed more often.

    Reply
  • Judy
    • 28 July 2010

    What we need to be thinking about is how highly sexualized teenagers and even children are becoming in this society. It’s like handing someone a loaded gun but not teaching them how to use it.

    I remember at 15 how powerful I felt because suddenly, I could get guys and even older men to want me. Fortunately, no one took advantage of that, but I was very lucky.

    We cannot excuse rape under any circumstances. But by not giving boys and girls the tools and information they need to understand their actions as well as the consequences, we are creating a world of hurt on so many levels.

    Reply
  • Moira
    • 23 October 2010

    You're a piece of trash, Kayla.  What about all the older men who prey on underage girls?  Oh, sorry, they were just using their age as a weapon, nyah nyah nyah. It's all her fault, especially if she's been drinking.  Have you ever been coerced into sex when you were an underage girl?  It's so humiliating and you don't know where to turn.  If you actually knew how it felt, you wouldn't be spewing trash like this.  You cunt. 

    Reply
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