This winter has been a little bit difficult on me, more than usual, it seems. I am one of the people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is defined by Wikipedia as a mood disorder, in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or summer, spring or autumn, repeatedly, year after year. I get it in the winter every year.

This year has been different, or particularly bad, because I moved to the city last spring, and have had a lot of issues with my family throughout the year. There have been issues with my mother being estranged and spreading lies behind my back, and also issues with my father being overbearing and nitpicking every little thing I do with my kids. It has made me very depressed this year, and I probably would’ve had a hard time even if I didn’t suffer from SAD.

I can’t say it’s been all bad. Thanks to EdenFantasys and the things I’ve discovered here, my boyfriend and I have had such a wonderful time rediscovering ourselves, and exploring a new side of our sex life we didn’t have before. I have written about my love and gratitude for this, expressing it when I can. I am grateful to have at least something to cheer me up. I look forward to the parcels arriving, and to getting to try out all the goodies I order.

This spring, I’m hoping to make a few changes in my life. I am hoping to continue my participation with EdenFantasys, as it has given me some happiness in an odd way. But also I hope to change a lot of things with myself. I am a known packrat, and am hoping to get rid of a lot of things I have stashed over the last few years. My children have way too many toys cluttering their room and our living room, so I’m hoping to get rid of as much of that as I can.

Since moving into the city, I haven’t had any luck in making any new friends. I’m hoping that, starting this spring, I can begin to participate in some play groups for my boys. It will provide me with an opportunity to meet other parents with small children, and also a chance for my boys to meet new people and socialize.

I’m hoping to be able to get the motivation to get out more, as well. We live just around the corner from a fair sized park that has duck ponds, and playgrounds, and everything in it. I know my boys love it there. We went a few times last summer, but my youngest son was too little at the time. He was only six months old, and being a breastfed baby, he had to eat at certain times, and he had naps at certain times. My life ran on his schedule, so it made a lot of things difficult. This spring and summer, he will be older and not so dependent on schedules, like he was. I will be able to plan picnics and walks in the park.

Around, or for Easter, I am saving up to get my boys their own playset for the backyard. They both love swings and slides, and having their own playground will be easier for me. I have a hard time getting the motivation to go too far, but if I’m only opening the door and walking into the backyard, I will be out there everyday. I know the park is around the corner from us, and we’re very fortunate to have it there, but with my boyfriend working in the daytime all week, I find it hard to take them by myself. I’m so paranoid that something would happen to one of them while I’m tending to the other. Having my boys in the backyard with me would ease my mind so much more, and make things a lot easier for me to handle.

One of my other goals is to get more physically active again. I always have a hard time in the winter and gain a few pounds, this winter being no different. It’s never a whole lot, but since having two kids, I have more weight on me then I would like. I miss feeling sexy, and having the energy to do a lot more. My boyfriend always tells me not to worry about it and that I’m perfect, but I haven’t met a woman yet who believes their man when he says that. We always assume the worst, but are so flattered that they would try to make us feel better. Got to love the sweetness of some men.

My boyfriend is also hoping to lose weight. He has always been on the bigger side (250 lbs.+) and last summer he lost a LOT of his weight. He has since gained almost all of it back, however. But knowing it was possible for him to lose it, he is trying more than ever, now that the snow has started to melt. He walks to and from work five days of the week, which is about a 40 minute walk each way. He didn’t start this until the end of last summer, and got results almost right away, but with the harshness of our winter he wasn’t able to keep it up. This year he is starting early, and hoping to be under 240 pounds by the end of summer. I support him fully in this, of course, but he has such a sweet personality, I could care less if he was 500 pounds.

There are a few other things I hope to take care of in regards to my family, as well. I hope to talk to my mother a bit more, and see if there’s anything that can be fixed there. I hope to put my father in his place, in the fact that he is my father, and I have my own family now. I want to raise my kids my way, and his interfering is only hurting my relationships, and making me question everything about myself.

I had a rough winter but am hoping this spring is going to turn things around for me. I have a lot of changes I need to make in my life, and I just pray I can go through with them. My life, and my boys lives would be so much better if I can. Maybe a move to a new apartment and a fresher start on the right foot would help us all in the end. Spring is the beginning of the year, and I feel this one can be a new beginning for me and my family, now that the winter has passed and my SAD is finally almost gone.